What We Learned During our First Year of Marriage
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Well, this post is like a month overdue, but hey. Gotta roll with the punches! This is SUCH a busy season and if you don't look up *from your computer*, you might miss it. I didn't forgeeeeet about this blog post, but it was kind of just at the bottom of my list with all the gift guides and sales going on, alas, it is more important than those posts, so just stay tuned for those and keep reading right now;) This past weekend I was in my first wedding since getting married and it just had so much more meaning, now that I have experienced marriage personally. I don't think I expected that at all. I don't know why...it just felt different to me, in a good way!
Anyway, our one year wedding anniversary was October 28th. To celebrate we went to Belize! These photos are actually from New York City, this past September though. Nick accompanied me to NYC for New York Fashion Week! He was with me and David (my photographer), carrying my clothes in between shoots, so I thought it would be fun to snag some photos with Nick! Hellllllo Christmas cards! But really. You'll see one of these on my Christmas cards;)
Last year, I asked a myriad of people to give marriage advice (you can read marriage advice from 22 real couples here), and it was so well received that I thought I'd write a post on what Nick and I learned during our first year of marriage. You know when people say not to do anything crazy like buy a house, move to an insanely different place, or things like that? Well we couldn't agree more with that - you gotta get your bearings. But, don't worry that's not our number one thing we learned, though you probably have heard of what our answer is.
On our way to the airport for our anniversary trip, I asked Nick what he thought the most important thing we learned was (already knowing my answer), and he pretty much said what I was thinking: listen instead of just hear and communication is key. These aren't earth shattering, but they are oh-so important. If you read my post on Pre-marital counseling and why you should do it, then you know that we went to Merge at Watermark and that our favorite chapter was on communication. It is seriously something you can ALWAYS get better at. And one of the most important parts of communication? L I S T E N I N G. When you are in a marriage (or any good relationship for that matter), it's not just about you - it's about your partner, not you. (or boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, whoever!) And how can you help them without actually listening? Just like I wrote here that you should date someone who makes you better, you should make your significant other better. Whether it means you take the trash out or just sit and hear them out about something that's bothering them, do it and do it with a smile on. You should be a safe space!
This week we hosted Friendsgiving. I slaved over homemade sweet potato gnocchi and although it is relatively easy to make, it leaves a huge mess. When our friends said adios for the evening and Nick and I just wanted to crawl in bed after too many laughs and glasses of wine, Nick spent 30 extra minutes cleaning the kitchen before going to bed. He knows I like it that way and am in a significantly better mood with a clean house. Not that he never cleaned the kitchen before, because he did, but he just learned from listening to me that I like it cleaned up sooner rather than later, which creates less stress in the long run. Now, I didn't make him read my mind...otherwise that would be an unmet expectation, another destructor of good communication. I mentioned it a couple of times and he read my attitude about messy kitchens and learned that I am best with a clean kitchen and am a lot nicer with a clean one;)
So, if you made it this far, two things:
1) thank for reading my ramblings
2) from a high level, just make sure that you
--communicate what you need; don't expect someone to read your mind
--think of the other person and what they need
--learn what the other person needs by actually listening
--if you think that your s/o has wronged you, give them the benefit of the doubt and discuss it with them - you may have misunderstood
So, in this time of thanksgiving, I just wanted to say that I am SO thankful for Nick. Not only does he help me by doing simple things like dishes and making the bed, but he also 100% supports LMents of Style. He is as much a part of it as I am. Not many husbands/boyfriends will accompany you to New York Fashion Week for the sole purpose of assisting you, you know? I got a good one guys! Wishing you lots of warm and fuzzies on this beautiful season. XOXO
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