Thoughts on Disappointment, Delay, Dispassion, and Disgruntlement
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It's Monday, I got back late last night and I do noooot feel like writing a blog post. I'm not sure why, because I love working on my blog more than most things. Also, it's odd, because I feel like Mexico really inspired me and gave me a fresh, creative boost that I had been needing. Maybe it's because I said I was going to post on Saturday and Sunday and those blog posts just didn't happen with the busyness of mine and my sister's birthday week. Orrr maybe it's because I've taken a couple "vacations" from my computer. (more on that later) I also recently told my newsletter crew that I've felt like quitting blogging recently, just because of recent challenges and ROI of time spent. I was texting with Nick and he described it perfectly...refreshed, but unmotivated.
WHY? Like what is the root of that. A couple of months ago, my church home group girls were discussing feelings and that rarely are our feelings the surface level issue. Oh you feel left out? Is it the insecurity in yourself that is the issue? Oh you think someone did something on purpose to hurt you? Is that an issue of trust that is at hand? You get what I'm saying? If I had to say what I thiiiink is the issue. It's all D. Just throwing in a little football reference (or two ;) since preseason is upon us! I love a good alliteration and it just worked out that way.
Disappointment: There's been several things that have left me disappointed this year. I vaguely mentioned that in my birthday post. It's really not stuff that I'm comfortable sharing here, but I can think of 3 major things that really bummed me out this year. They left me feeling horrible and made me question my worth.
Delay: Most of the time coupled with disappointment, but usually the cause of the disappointment, no? 2 of the 3 things I referenced above fit this category, though one was just delay causing disappointment and the other was a disappointment that caused delay, causing further disappointment. As I have been reflecting about my birthday I kept catching myself thinking about "is there where I should be?" - like is this where I thought/where I wanted to be at 27 years old? Still not sure of the answer *insert upside down smiley face here*
Dispassion: Burnout by another name. It's kind of how I've been feeling about social media. Like what's the point? I try harder on photos and I get less likes and a decreasing amount of followers. I'm trying to take more breaks and fill myself with more inspiration, to try and avoid dispassion altogether, but sometimes it's inevitable.
Disgruntlement: Usually because of delay and disappointment, but to a higher level when you stop being apathetic and start getting angry/frustrated. I feel like its's the next step of dispassion. There are several disappointments (at least 2 of the 3 I mentioned) that have lead to me being angry. Angriness is okay, but at some point, you've got to let it go, like Elsa or it will eat you alive. Amiright?;)
Anyway, those are all the things that have lead to me feeling unmotivated *I believe*. I wanted to post this, because my life isn't perfect. I finished writing it and let Nick read and immediately asked "is it stupid?? does it make sense??" Though I do talk about things like this occasionally, for the most part, you only see highlights of my life. I think I read it somewhere, but I don't remember, so not my words, but something along the lines of don't compare someone's highlight reel to your blooper reel. It's completely normal to feel these things, just make sure you have a good support system who can listen and motivate you to get back on track. Sometimes it's not getting back on track, but getting off the track, because it's not good for you. I hope this post has given you a little insight in my life and to let you know I'm just like you!
Oh and originally these photos were for my "last day of the nordstrom sale" post that didn't happen... it was delayed, but honestly it stopped there and didn't lead to any other feelings. It wasn't the end of the world and there's always next year's n-sale ;) Anddd now that I introduced a new posting schedule to you, I'm already off. Next year I will be back on track with Sunday, Monday, Wednesday (plus newsletter!) and Thursday. See ya on hump day, y'all!
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